god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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