Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
