My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was CRYING into my vagina
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
