She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
