I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
