12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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