First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
