i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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