For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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