Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
