I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my sisters under your porch take her home
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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