I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize