eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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