My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
