Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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