My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
