the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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