come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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