I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Randomize
