forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
