i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
