so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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