My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
