im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
