Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
