I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Randomize
