all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
