So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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