Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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