im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
