Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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