I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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