Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
