he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
