weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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