why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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