Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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