At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
