I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
