it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
