guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
