Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
