I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
