i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
