the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
