No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
