fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
