So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
