i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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