my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
