So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
