I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
