I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize