i think my mom watched the whole time
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
