Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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