I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you would pick up someone in the library
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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