Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I want her autograph on my taint
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize