I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
