I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
