You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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