We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
