Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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