so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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