After last night, I could never be a politician.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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