my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
