Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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