well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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