tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
